Which One of These 5 Love Languages Speak To Your Heart? Let’s Find Out

You and your partner get along well. You’ve got a lot of things in common, whether it’s your hobbies and interests or your views and opinions. You share similar traits and quirks. You also somehow get what they’re thinking of just by looking at them or hearing their voice. But the question is, have you already mastered each other’s “love languages”? You deeply love your partner, but are you able to express it in the way they want to feel loved? 

Dr. Gary Chapman is an author, speaker, and marriage counselor who wrote the bestselling book “The 5 Love Languages®”. The book teaches us one thing: relationships grow better when we understand each other. We’re unique. We have different needs. We give and receive love differently. The problem is, some couples don’t always understand and decode these different ways of showing love, resulting in misunderstandings. 

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 primary love languages that people speak: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, and acts of service. While a healthy mix of these five is vital to romantic relationships in general, everyone has a primary love language that they value more than the rest. 

Read on to find out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it in your romantic relationship to grow closer than ever. You may also seek online couples counseling to see if you’re on the same page. 

1. Words of Affirmation

As its term suggests, this love language is about expressing affection through spoken and written words. 

If this is your primary love language, you enjoy kind words of praise, encouragement, and affection. You like it when your partner compliments you, tells you how much they’re proud of you, and reminds you how special you are. You also find uplifting quotes, love notes, and cheesy text messages meaningful to you. 

Things that hurt you: You may feel unloved and unappreciated when you don’t hear sweet remarks, praises, and encouraging words from your partner, especially when you need them the most. 

2. Physical Touch

It’s not just about sex — if physical touch is your primary love language, you feel valued and secured when your partner holds your hand, touches your arm, pinches your cheeks, showers you with kisses, hugs you randomly, and gives you a massage. It means a lot to you to be as close as possible to your partner physically. 

Things that hurt you: The lack of physical intimacy in the relationship makes you question your partner’s love for you. The idea of having a long-distance relationship drives you insane. 

3. Quality Time

“Nothing says, ‘I love you better than full, undivided attention” — if this is your primary love language, then it means a lot to you when your partner puts their phone down and makes each second count when they’re with you. 

You like it when you share quality conversation and spend time together, doing activities that spark joy in both of you. Eye contact and active listening are meaningful to you. You also feel appreciated if your partner affirms what you’re saying and refrains from interrupting you. 

Things that hurt you: Distractions, postponed dates, and failure to sit down to listen attentively when you’re communicating something. 

4. Acts of Service

Would you prefer to be treated to a fancy restaurant or have your partner cook a special meal for you after a long day at work? If the latter speaks to your heart, then “acts of service” is your primary love language. You feel loved and cared for when your partner does nice things for you, whether it’s as simple as making your morning coffee or going out of their way to run errands for you. 

Things that may hurt you: You associate lack of affection with the lack of effort on your partner’s end. 

5. Receiving Gifts

Is gift-giving symbolic to you? We’re not talking about extravagant gifts — you can receive a cheap pair of duck-themed socks and jump up and down like a kid because your partner remembered how obsessed you are with ducks. If this is your primary love language, then you love the idea of someone spending their time and effort to get to know the little details about you and buy something that sparks joy in you. 

Things that hurt you: You might get upset if you fail to receive a gift especially during a special occasion, or you receive something that you just can’t use. It’s not about the item per se — you feel forsaken that your partner didn’t put a lot of thought into it. 

Why is it important to learn each other’s primary love languages? 

In his early years in marriage counseling and couples therapy, Dr.  Gary Chapman noticed that couples would voice similar complaints regarding their marriage: the failure to give and recognize affection depending on each other’s unique personality, expectations, and needs. 

Everyone wants to show their partner that they care, but not everyone does it in a way that speaks to their heart. Your partner, who’s not very good with words, may shower you with gifts to show their love but you’d prefer receiving compliments and love letters. Likewise, you might feel like the best way to cheer them up is to write them a 10-verse poem when the only thing they need is a warm embrace from behind.

Even couples in the strongest and healthiest relationships might feel like they’re not on the same page if their love languages aren’t being met. So taking a little bit of effort to recognize each other’s love languages and speaking them can truly strengthen your bond and improve your relationship. 

So what’s your primary love language? Let us know in the comments below!

Author Bio: Carmina Natividad is one of the writers for Relationship Room Couples Counseling, a couples psychology institution specializing in relationship counseling and therapies for couples and families. She may be hopeless romantic but she’s got some straightforward pieces of advice about love, dating, and relationships.